Although mostly valid points, I'd recommend adding some tips to the article on what to add instead of these things, since you're targeting the people who are trying to get into the industry.
For e.g. proposing to do a redesign of Costa Cafe website after working there and use the experience gained there in the redesign, instead of listing "job at Costa Cafe".
let's have 6 things to fix your design cv
But how will recruiters know I’m 89% Photoshop but only 64% Illustrator whilst confidently proud of being 96% Sketch? Honestly you can stick your job
Which 4% of Sketch do you not know is the question...