For me, making sure the hardware and software I need to use is more or less ready to go is kind of the big thing. I realize that there's still likely a little setup on my end (choosing passwords, setting up voicemail, etc.) but having the important things set up and ready to go is a big deal.

My current experience is at a very large company but, at my current job I spent about a week and a half unable to work substantially on the projects my team wanted me to work on simply because I had to put in a request to have Photoshop and Illustrator installed - a request which took nearly a week and a half to be fulfilled. Thankfully, I could attend some meetings and do some lofi work with pen and paper sketches while I waited. But many of those early issues would've been more easily resolved had everything been set up in advance.

It almost felt like they had no idea how to handle a new designer joining the team.

Maybe not the most PC way to go about it, but several of my coworkers and I played Cards Against Humanity with our newest employee on his first day. At least we know he's a good culture fit now.

A few very quick thoughts:

1. Give new hires a person to 'shadow' - not in the in the old-school sense, but someone they can go to w/ questions, someone who takes them to lunch their first day / week, etc.
2. Be organized. If it's an onsite role have their desk, hardware, etc ready to go.
3. Get them integrated into the team, project and flow on day one.

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Our company (www.synergy-it.pk) has a series of meetups and presentations to onboard the new employees. The official employee handbook, developers handbook and necessary accounts sheet is provided with a Synergy Polo shirt. The series of presentations make sure that employee knows who to approach when something is required. PS: interesting product (http://www.onboardinggroup.com/) is also a great help in employee over-boarding.

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If you are looking for a software solution to improve your employee onboarding process, my team at WorkBright specializes in helping companies who onboard rapidly and who have the same concerns as they grow.